obama sounds like

2007-10-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

An Open Letter to Barack Obama

Dear Sen. Obama,
Well it looks like you are going to run for president. You are said to be creating a Presidential Exploratory Committee to test the waters and see what kind of reaction you get across the country. Save the committee dude. I’ll give you a clue what kind of reaction you will receive. “Boo. Boo. Boo.” Senator Obama, get used to that word. It will be coming at you from all directions as soon as you open your eloquent, Harvard educated mouth in a state like Kansas or Oklahoma. It won’t matter that you are the most intriguing candidate to run since Bobby Kennedy. (and we know what happened to him) It doesn’t matter that your ideas are thought provoking and your speeches inspiring. When most of the farm belt hears only Barack Hussein Obama, it’s off to find an automatic weapon, not a voting booth.
Do you think that those people will even care that you are an American citizen once they find out your middle name? I hope that your campaign volunteers have spell check because one slip on your unfortunate last name and you’re getting met by phonetically challenged local agriculturalists with sawed off shot guns. Seriously Senator, how do you plan to explain to the country that you share your middle name with a recently deposed and executed dictator? To most Americans, a middle name like that is enough to make your head pop off. Not to be too blunt, but maybe before you announce you are running, you could change your name. I hear it’s easy at the DMV. Plus, you’re a U.S Senator, you’ve got 5 hours to kill. I promise you, Barry sounds so much more electable than Barack. What is Barack anyway. Isn’t that the same name as the guy from Kazakhistan what made that fake movie? Nobody’s going to elect that guy. You might get a couple of people who want to sue you. But if you change your first name to Barry, that should take care of the first third of your problem.
Now for your middle name, let’s get something really presidential. Something that would fit good in a set of initials. Like JFK or LBJ or FDR. I mean BHO Makes me want to pay an extra $10 a month for bad movies, but it doesn’t make me want to put you in The White House. I think we can all agree that you can’t get much worse than Hussein. So let’s think American. Let’s think apple pie. How about Mickey? Too corporate sounding. I got it! How about Crocket? It’s the perfect blend of old Americana, (think Davey) and hip coolness. (think Don Johnson on Miami Vice) I mean what could be better than sharing a name with the hero of the Alamo and a hip vice squad cop from an ‘80’s TV show.
Now let’s check on the progress. Barry Crockett. It’s already sounding like a guy you want to call up to invite on a quail hunt. As I mentioned before, the name Obama is really close to the first name of another enemy of the state and quite frankly, that name is one carelessly spelled sign away from getting you shot at in Tyler, Texas. So let’s try to prevent that completely by changing that awful Islamic sounding name to something a little less threatening. Something pure. Something that say’s; “Don’t worry, I’m a God-fearing Christian. I like country music. I played little league, and wouldn’t dream of touching your daughter inappropriately. We need something here that transcends. We need a name that middle America won’t fail to embrace. How about……. White? It’s perfect. It sounds like freshly driven snow. Barry Crockett White. Or BCW to the coming generations. That is a presidential name if I ever head one. Plus it would assuage the fears of some people who incorrectly label you as black. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that black is bad, it’s just that White is so much more electable. Since you’re mixed. And you can choose, wouldn’t you really rather, for this election at least, be White? You can still be the first black president. You’ll just be the first black president who is White.

Regards,
Scared American Voter

P.S If someone offers, Don’t take the shortcut through the hotel kitchen.

charlie sez

obama sounds like